RANSVESTIA

Mother had help from me, too, in vicariously fulfilling her wish for a girl. The earliest desire to wear feminine clothes happened at about the age of five or six. We stayed with friends who lived in northern Wis- consin and had a girl about my age. One night I saw her panties in the laundry and wanted to put them on but never did. No gumption I guess.

Later I tried wearing my mother's clothes that were in the laundry and in her dresser. At Halloween time. the Cub Scouts had a costume party and I went dressed as a lady — furs, make-up and all except for panties and a foundation garment. When we got to the party. I had been "Out ladied" by our Boy Scout den leader whose mother took meticu- lous care in decking him out properly. Mother admired a job well done. The next year I got decked out and wore the whole works on my in- sistence. Mother was somewhat abashed when I put on her panties and girdle like a veteran.

For years I secretly put on her clothes and tried out her heels until my feet got too big. I even tried on an old corset my grandmother stored in the attic but with disappointing results as it didn't fit well. By 10th grade I started buying my own things beginning with "long" size nylons. For some reason they were never long enough to satisfy me.

Mother and I had some outside help (which came inadvertantly) from my older brother and father to develop my femme self. A neighbor pal and I were horsing around with some old bloomers we found. My brother caught us trying them on and made us walk back home while wearing them in front of all the neighbors. I don't know what they thought, but it embarrassed the hell out of us. It only temporarily squelched my desire to wear feminine clothes.

Father was a hard worker and a good provider within his capabilities. However, his short temper, articulate tongue and his tensions enhanced by excessive drinking, fostered a periodically unstable home life. He lost several jobs by telling his boss to go where it was warm and uncom- fortable. There were interims of unemployment and mother had to go to work to make ends meet and save for a home down payment. Both parents worked long hours and I was left in the care of a busy grand mother who lived downstairs. She did not know I was frequently up- stairs dipping into mother's dresser instead of playing outside.

When we moved to our new home, I took great care while dressing and was never caught. Commuting took my parents more time so I had plenty of opportunity to thumb through the lingerie ads in the news-

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